Back in the year 2000, Russell Crowe's Maximus Decimus Meridius bellowed the iconic line "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?" in 'Gladiator' and the world replied with a huuuge 'yes'.
The movie won big at that year's Oscars and 'Gladiator' was soon solidified as one of the all-time great historical blockbusters.
Over two decades later, Paul Mescal picks up a sword and dons a skirt for 'Gladiator II', following in Russell's very large, sandal-wearing footsteps.
As a big fan of the original movie, as well as Paul Mescal and his co-star Pedro Pascal, I've been fizzing about the release of 'Gladiator II' for some time. And I haven't been alone.
Many of my friends' group chats have been dominated by Gladiator II trailers, interviews with P&P (Paul and Pedro), and that GQ photoshoot of Paul wearing a miniskirt.
In fact, one of the chats has been named 'Paul Mescal Fan Club' since 2020.
With this in mind, I thought it was only sensible to round up a gaggle of 20 gals and go and see ‘Gladiator II’ as one big group. If you are a woman, I strongly recommend you do the same.
Does 'Gladiator II' have the same impact and emotional depth as the original? No. Does it matter? Also no.
Half our group had never seen the first movie, and the other half knew it so well, we could recite Maximus' famous speech by heart. We ALL loved it.
Watch this chaotic TikTok from the screening to see our reactions:
Let's get this out of the way now. The men - almost all the men - in the film are very, very hot. Before anyone accuses us of objectification, just…don't?
'Gladiator II' *asks* us to drool over the rippling muscles and overt masculinity on display. It's essentially a superhero movie set in ancient Rome, and that genre has celebrated rock hard pecs and unattainable bodies since forever.
This is showbiz, after all. Margot Robbie looks banging in 'Barbie', Paul Mescal is jaw-droppingly gorgeous in 'Gladiator II'. Let's all just accept and enjoy these truths.
But it's not just the poster boy duo of P&P that bring the rizz to this film.
Denzel Washington plays the deliciously camp, hilarious and calculating Macrinus, who buys Paul Mescal's character as a slave and introduces him to the Colosseum.
Macrinus def swings both ways, and the movie even originally featured a gay kiss, which the legendary actor said was cut because the filmmakers "got chicken".
He steals the show in this role with his delivery, comic timing and screen presence (the stunning costuming doesn't hurt either), and he is very sexy while doing it.
"He would still GEDDIT", one of my friends yelled as the credits rolled in the cinema.
Even Alexander Karim's character of Ravi, a former gladiator-turned-doctor who Paul's character refers to as an "old man", is magnetic.
At this point, you could be forgiven for thinking this whole experience was nothing but a bunch of horned-up ladies losing it over boys in skirts. But we were far more invested.
Anyone who has seen Paul's performances in 'Normal People', 'Aftersun' or 'All Of Us Strangers' knows he is a phenomenal performer. However, he's never done anything like 'Gladiator II' before.
He plays Lucius Verus, the former heir to the Roman Empire who as a young boy, was sent away by his mother in an attempt to save his life. After wandering the desert and eventually starting over in a coastal town in Numidia, he's forced to take on the Roman army after they invade, and ends up being taken prisoner.
Like Maximus before him, Lucius suffers through a whooole lotta hardship, and Mescal's piercing gaze and masterful acting choices help us feel his pain, followed swiftly by his thirst for vengeance.
He manages to bring some levity in between tragedies, although once or twice he seemed to forget Lucius and revert back to some of his more familiar characters - classic Paul vibes.
Other times, he was allowed to go absolutely feral and in those moments, the mood in our cinema full of women shifted DRAMATICALLY.
I was not prepared for how unashamedly bloodthirsty we all got, which is a testament to director Ridley Scott's adrenaline-filled battle scenes that frequently descended into absurdity.
Rabid baboons? Sure. Man-eating sharks in the Colosseum? Why not. Amputations, decapitations, daggers and arrows - it was gory, and we liked it.
As the stakes continued to rise, our gals-only screening felt more like a rowdy rugby game than anything else. We jeered, we clapped, we screamed "STRENGTH AND HONOUR", raising our fists in support of the uprising against the corrupt Roman Emperors.
Sidebar: If you do this in a normal cinema, you might piss some people off.
The plot is a lot less cohesive than the OG film, but it's also funnier. Paul is no Russell, but he's also not supposed to be. The CGI though, is really quite shit at times. I can't make any excuses for that, especially considering the film cost $250 million to make.
We all remember the 'Barbenheimer' phenomenon of last year, in which men and women were poised to go to war at the box office, pitting the 'girls' movie of the year against the 'guys'.
'Gladiator II' might just create the opposite effect.
At the very least, now that it's out in cinemas, it won't just be men who think about the Roman Empire every day.
